You Are My Christmas
by Hina-86
Summary: Ever wondered how Christmas in 1998 was like? Join Wesker and the rest of his famous S.T.A.R.S. team in their week of bless and joy, and learn how to love and appreciate life. Rated for language and character rape -*lol* just a joke-


Ok, I have a lot to say but it will bore you to stab your brain with chopsticks, so I will only make myself clear and state that I do not own RE or the cool PMSing Alfred. Oh, and you should read the warning in case you didn't know what stuff I'm planning in this. I was considering splitting this in two chapters but figured since I had FSD (finishing stories disorder) it's better left a one-shot.

Warnings: 1: As you will notice while reading that I had relied wholly on my skills and what little grammar I know. 2: I know Christmas from movie's only, so please forgive me if I didn't right everything right. 3:*This is actually the real warning* This fic contains Yaoi, PWP, OOC, major stupidity, and an obscene character who will stop at nothing from getting into Wesker's pants.

DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU DO'T WANT TO BE MENTALLY SCARRED!

Other than that, enjoy!~~

Chris walked into the STARS office with a bright smile on his face. It was December 20, after all; which meant five days till Christmas eve. Every body had to be happy in that special time of the year. Brad was chatting on the line with the operator lady, Forest was busy with the decorations something that strangely had nothing to do with his usual pranks. Richard was helping Jill with the tree, setting the red and blue and silver ornaments on its branches, and Rebecca was kicked out of the office after she was caught trying to open the metal closet that had Santa's gifts in it for the eighth time that morning. In the corner, Chris watched Captain Wesker and Barry discussing the new upcoming schedule; probably because the bearded man was the only one mature enough to not get distracted by the jingling bells and beautiful shining colors. When Barry nodded and left to his business, the captain moved his attention to Chris and before the young man could open his mouth to speak, Wesker was standing right before him and pressing his lips to the brunette's.

Chris stared with crazy wide eyes at his Captain, as well as the rest of the STARS crew and the police officers who were passing by them in the hall. "Mistletoe," Wesker explained dryly then left in the direction of the cafeteria. Chris looked up and true to what the man said, the green plant was tied up to the doorframe above his head.

Shaking his head, Chris stalked to his own desk and cleaned the surface from the various decorations before he sat down in his chair, stretching and cracking his neck. Just as he was about to open the file left on his desk by the more than likely devious captain, his chin was lifted up by two slim fingers. He looked up and saw his female friend, Jill, leaning against him. "What-" his question died on his tongue as Jill's lips silenced him. Jill pulled back and winked at him. "Mistletoe," she pointed up with her finger.

Chris rolled his eyes and moved his chair from under the plant, going back to his work. After a few minutes, he sensed eyes on his back; they were hot and lustful and most of all, WRONG. Chris whirled in his chair around, only to come face to face with their youngest member, but certainly not innocent, Rebecca Chambers. She was grinning at him and it made his uneasiness increase. "Yes, Becca, can I help you?"

The young medic beamed at him and straddled Chris' lap, still grinning and making the young man blush, and lent down to kiss him fully on his lips. His eyes almost left his head when his mouth was stuffed with the young girl's tongue. Chris' face was deep red when she pulled back from him and glared at the mistletoe she was jiggling in her hand above their heads. Chris pushed her off him and stood from his chair. "Jesus, you people need to get laid."

"Oh, calm down, Chris, where's the Christmas spirit?" Forest laughed from his place over Joseph's shoulders, all tangled in the wires that were supposed to go on the Christmas tree they had set in the center of their office.

Joseph nodded his head. "Yeah, just what heavy butt said. Now get your lazy ass over here and help us out of this shit,"

Forest glared down and kicked the man in red bandana in his rib-cage. "Screw you, Jojo."

The young sharpshooter chuckled and went to help his friends from the mess they had put themselves in.

When everything was set back to normal as normal as people high on sugary gingerbread and eggnogs could be-Wesker barked his last orders at the rest of the STARS members and took off before his shift would end, just like all good superiors do. Those orders were easy and consist the following: Speyer have to arrange all the police folders in alphabetical order, Joseph to go out naked in the freezing night -he was considered too generous as he allowed him to keep his undies on though, Rebecca to bring him de cafe Starbucks coffee and 20 piece of Krispy Kreme Donut first thing in 4 a.m. in the morning and Barry was supposed to locate Brad's whereabouts after the latter took off when he discovered that pizza could be used as a harmful weapon if not dealt with care. Jill's was to clean up all men's toilets.

The marksman's job was simple, send a couple of mendicancy faxes to the mayor. Chris wasn't happy though, his face had become lips magnet by the end of that day. Everyone in the police department, men and women, gave him kisses and smooches under the name of traditions where ever he went. The dogs do not count since they just humped his legs.

So while he was standing by the fax machine, minding his own business and getting ready to bolt out the door after the papers were sent, a hand rested on his shoulder and forced him to turn around. "Hey," He started to protest before Barry grabbed his shoulders and kissed him like there was no tomorrow. "Oh, for the love of god!" Chris cried and shoved the man away from him.

"There better not be any of that goddamn mistletoe in my car," Chris grumbled on his way to the parking lot, his face perfectly hidden under the thick scarf he had wrapped around himself. "Last thing I want is to make out with the steering wheel." He unlocked the door and poked his head inside. Nothing. Chris released a happy sigh, got into the driver's seat, and drove on his merry way home.

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December 21.

To be or not to be, that was the question that buggered the great Captain of Special Tactics and Rescue Service Alpha team; Albert Wesker. Shakespeare certainly had a way with manipulating words; Wesker wished that if the man were still alive until this day, they would have become good friends.

There were many to be or not to be's in life; to be or not to be a good neighbor, to be or not to be the leader of the most retarded people he ever encountered in the population of Stupid City, to be or not to be Iron's bitch, to be or not to be a ballerina, to be or not to be a potato or even to be or not to be a chip 'n dale stripper.

Why Wesker were having these incredible thoughts? Simply because nothing was worthy of his great mind to pay any interest. Besides, the STARS office was stunning with all the Christmas decoration and the tree set in the middle was mind-distracting; nothing like the depressing place he's used to see every morning before sitting in his chair and snoring.

The whole building was deferent; to tell the truth. Only on this time of the year the did the police department look like anything but a police department and the reason behind that was truly stupid; to see who has the best decoration. It was a stupid game invented by non other than joker Speyer and drunky Ryman. Wesker could not believe the amount of stupidity those people were when he saw the holding cells.

And why would he have to suffer! Wesker silently sneered at Christmas cactus glued to the ground beside him that gave him pain each time he passed by it. And oh, how much he wanted to smash the plastic reindeers in the main lobby.

He was brought from his musing by a simple tone one of his subordinate was humming.

"Jill, I though you were into meat?" Chris asked the humming woman, watching her as she opened a bag of cucumbers and gave Chris one before she grabbed one for herself and started to eat it. He was not happy when she took his burger away and handed him the greeny thing, the color was giving him unplesant memories and it remainded him why he had cleaned the office mistletoe-free as Christmas apparently meant it was the only time of the year when rape is considered legal, as long as it performed under mistletoe.

"I need to lose weight before Christmas. My family are gathering for the holiday, and I don't want to hear complains from my mother or my cousin Suzann to give me advices to keep a perfect body shape," Jill's face had a depressed expression as she said that. "Plus, I'm still single and I have an absolutely annoying aunt who will go 'Oh, don't you worry sweetie, you'll find somebody' on me."

"And you're passing us veggies because...?"

"I'm your friend and you have to support me," Jill shot Brad with one cucumber and hit him in the head. "Besides, it will help you to not develop a bulging tummy or any fat on your lower body, seeing as how you love to sit down and glue your ass to the chair."

Forest emitted a crazy laughter and ripped his shirt open, Superman style. "I'm all pure muscles, baby!"

"Forest, that's absolutely repulsive. Put your shirt back on," Wesker looked away in disgust and shook his head. Well, at least he didn't take his pants off. God knows how bloody scary would that be. The long-haired man blushed and buttoned his shirt, embarrassed.

Rebecca opened her lunch-box and brought a yummy looking and smelling sandwich out of it and waved it in teasingly Jill's direction. "You're never gonna lose weight in four days, fatso."

Chris threw the young medic a warning look over his shoulder before he turned back to comfort Jill who was giving Rebecca her share of death glares. "Come on Jill, you're a beautiful woman. You don't need to lose weight or to get a man to prove them that point if they can't seem to get it."

"You're one to talk, mister 'my hickies never disappear'," Joseph snorted from his place and air-quoted. Chris' face turned red immediately.

"They're bee stings!"Joseph rolled his eyes grinning. "Sure they are."

"Whatever," Chris threw one cucumber at him and hit him right between the eyes he wasn't called best marksman for no reason- before he turned in his chair and faced their grumpy captain. "Captain, want one?" he asked while holding the veggie in his hand in an offering sign. Wesker shook his head.

"Thank you, but no. I think I'll pass,"

Chris frowned but shrugged anyway and took a bite from his cucumber. "Man, I don't know how you can work with an empty tummy."

Forest nodded in agreement. "Yeah captain, how do you do that? I see fries and chicken breasts everywhere when my stomach-meter reach's low degrees,"

The captain set his papers aside and gave his underlings his full attention, knowing that if he rushed them off they will keep making questions and conversations with him just for the heck of it or they will create their own answer and attribute it back to him. "It because my concentration is fully focused on the work I am supposed to be doing." Wesker tilted his head to the side thoughtfully as to ponder something that just came into his mind. "Besides, I like carrots. Much firmer and had a nice taste."

Forest snorted and plopped his feet on his desk, taking one cucumber and starting to eat it. "Well, I like bananas, but you don't hear me complaining,"

"Bananas aren't good, they slip too much."

"That's your own opinion, Captain. My jaw gets sore when eating carrots. I don't like it."

"But bananas melt so easily when eaten up."

"I know, I don't like that either so I don't go for the mushy ones."

"We're still talking about food, right?" Jill asked when she had a dreadful feeling in her stomach as to where this conversation might lead.

"Yes,"

"No."

The staff of STARS unit turned their fully attention to their respected captain, all had that same 'OMFG!!!' expression on their faces. Wesker only snorted at them and shrugged.

"What? I hadn't got laid in two days and anything holds a sexual resemblance to me at the moment, so can it."

Chris' face flushed furiously red and chocked on his own spittle as he pretended to be jotting some gibberish down on his papers. Rebecca used Joseph's bandana as a Kleenex tissue to clean her nose-bleed because Brad used the last box this morning when Jill -who chose to wear a mini skirt- bent over her desk to plug her computer that somehow -and NOT by the hands of Forest the pervert- shut down, giving them a nice view of the moon, even though it was daylight.

When they had finished their vegetables it was already work time again and the S.T.A.R.S members -minus their captain- had never been any happier that lunch break only lasted 10 minutes, they so much wanted to concentrate on anything but Wesker's dirty mind.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

December 22.

After 12 hours of endless work, exhaustion began to creep its way to the STARS members. Jill threw her arms in the air and leaned back in her chair, giving a loud tired sigh. "Ugh, I hate me life, and I hate men!" she grunted. She had a point, though. The poor woman was thinking about everything but work as her wheel of thoughts was mainly concentrating on the upcoming holiday.

"Did you reconsider that thought before shouting it in a room filled with male officers?"

"Except you, my dearest captain," Jill corrected herself smartly and batted her eyelashes in an adoring sign at the blond man. Wesker smirked proudly and crossed his arms. "Thought so."

"The chief wants to see you, Captain," Chris said when he returned from the men's room and shot a nasty 'lay off her back' glare at his captain who pretended to be engrossed in the crosswords he thieved from Brad when he 'accidentally' bumped into him in the lobby.

It was hard not to expose his cover and laugh like a moron when the young pilot went screaming "News ghost!" and had six police officers to restrain him down.

When the guy appeared to be in another planet, Chris leant forward on Wesker's desk and snapped his fingers before his eyes as he used a louder tone. "I said, the chief wants to see you. ASAP."

Wesker looked up from his crosswords and glared at Chris. The brunette crossed his arms on his chest and glared back with the same level, not backing down from the challenge.

Finally, Wesker gave up and got up from his seat, mumbling "This better be for good" on his way out the office.

Jill smiled at Chris and the man returned it kindly before they both gave tired sighs and focused on their purpose in the STARS team, and that's being video games- err, solving cases.

For normal people, when the boss leaves the employees party like the seventies. But the STARS members weren't ordinary employees. They know Wesker had a hidden camera somewhere and they couldn't get their paychecks rebated again. The office was so silently silent as everyone was silently doing his or her business that if you threw a pin you can easily hear it clinking against the clean floor.

Yet somehow, Jill started to giggle at whatever she found interesting in the magazine she was hiding in one folder. She would apologize every time when she hears someone clearing their throat and keep silent for little time until she finds something entertaining again.

She was enjoying herself so much that she forgot where she was and started laughing. "Oh my gosh! AHAHAHA!"

"Glad to see someone's having a good morning in this god forsaken place," Wesker said in his most clipped tone as he walked into the office unnoticed by his underlings. He had finished meeting with chief Irons and by the tone he was using it he obviously wasn't so pleased with the results. Jill stifled her laughter. "Sorry Captain."

"What's this all about?" Joseph asked from his desk beside her. "You've been giggling for about an hour ago."

Jill grinned, holding a fashion magazine up in her hands and read aloud the article that had caused her to crack up like a druggie on pot. "Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage. WHY? Because women realized it's not worth buying the entire pig just to get a little sausage!" And she burst with laughter.

Rebecca giggled. "That's the nastiest thing I ever heard,"

"Who the hell writes that crap anyway?" Chris said with annoyance and snatched the magazine from his friend, intending on finding the writer and avenge men's pride.

Forest snorted. "Well, yeah, it's just like buying the whole cow for just the milk,"

"Gimme five, bro!" Joseph cheered and Forest high-fived him, both laughing like silly monkeys.

Jill groaned in displeasure and Rebecca gasped. "That's rude!" The young medic huffed, "You're so off my Christmas list,"

"Oh noez! I've been naughty and I ain't getting my sucky toy. Mommy!" Forest sobbed mockingly.

Barry chuckled at the childish behavior being displayed before him. It was things like this that always gave him boost to come to work. He leaned back in his chair and caressed his beard when a thought crossed his mind. "If you looked at it in another way, I find it funny. I'm glad my wife is in the 20% zone," he said, ignoring the gagging noises some of his fellows were making.

"Me too," Wesker nodded with his head much to the bearded man's satisfaction that some one would act like an understanding grown up, "I found this joke hilariously funny. But I am just glad there's 20% left who like marriage at best. Otherwise, that little sausage will end up being rotten. The company who made them will soon file bankruptcy." Everyone was gaping at him and blinking repeatedly, astonished by the captain's weird musings.

"There's always the opportunity to hook up with the same sex if you weren't lucky in finding your female soul mate,"

That comment made not only everyone in the room, but the mail boy and a group of police officers passing by their office at that moment, stare at Chris with wide unblinking eyes.

Wesker smirked at his favorite marksman and chuckled throatily. "My dear, I'm never unlucky," he stated proudly, "I just tend to like you a lot more better than the opposite gender."

Chris giggled -a universal shudder ran throughout the RPD- and waved him off. "Oh, you always say that when you're trying to dig your way into my pants,"

Wesker's smirk reached the sides of his ears in a wide grin. He got up from his desk and sauntered to Chris'. "Oh, is that so?" He asked in a taunting tone and leant down over the brunette's face, their noses and foreheads touching together.

Chris grinned up at him like the fat Cheshire cat in Alice in Wonder Land, encircled his captain's waist with his arms, and drew him closer between his legs. "I can prove it."

"TMI!" Forest screamed with his hands covering his eyes and ran out of the office through the wall.

Unfortunately for the rest of the S.T.A.R.S. members, it seemed that Wesker and Chris had entered their own private world where shirts got ripped and one ended on the nearest desk that being Jill's- and the other taking advantages of the situation. Again.

Jill, whose eyes nearly popped out of her head at the sight of naked flesh before her, pushed herself from her desk immediately and almost fell from her chair. "I'll get some coffee,"

"I'm coming with you!" Rebecca jumped right after her. Joseph followed, running past the two girls to the cafeteria. Barry, who was older than the rest of his team and not built of ultimate sheer perfection to become the perfect sexy strip model Wesker represents, stumbled few times on scattered tiny bulbs and the star that was supposed to go on top of their Christmas tree before screaming. "Wait for me!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

December 23.

No member of the STARS team showed up for work that day as there was a note that read 'Take the rest of the day off and don't show me your faces tomorrow' left on the STARS door from the previous day. Theoretically, Wesker and Chris has never left the office the night before and were planning to spend the rest of the day behind the locked door, doing their private kind of work under the Christmas tree.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

December 24.

"One day left and I hadn't figure out a decent gift for my girlfriend!" Joseph cried desperately and knocked his head down on his desk. Brad unfolded a 4 feet long list of possible ideas and showed it to his friend. "I know what you mean, mine is so picky. God, I hate Christmas."

Barry paused his cleaning guns session and frowned at the youngsters around him. "Don't you people know what Christmas is all about?" He shook his head disappointedly when he received blank stares. "It's all about wrapping paper, gift bags, parking lots, discount prices, and pretending to have spent lots of money on your mother-in-Law's gift!"

Jill chuckled at the bearded man's choice of words. "Don't you mean, Barry, Christmas is a time of the year were people come together, family and friends from across the country, to spend this most special of days?"

"I agree with Ms. Beret," Wesker, oblivious to the hateful sneer Jill was directing towards him, joined the conversation. "It is the only time where people who would otherwise die for each other -fathers, mothers, sons and daughters, friends and colleagues- meet up and with a little alcohol, little to do and the pressure of being happy, learn to hate each other."

A tsk was heard from the other side of the office and the STARS members looked around to their youngest recruit, Rebecca. "In actuality, the true meaning of Christmas was the birth of Santa Claus," she nodded like a professor in lecture about economy. "Of course, all the preachers and clergymen like to bullshit people with all this biblical crap about Jesus Christ and Christmas being related. Assholes... What do they know?"

Barry, Joseph, Brad, Chris and Jill blinked in union and sweat-dropped.

"As far as I'm concerned, Santa Claus is a wanted criminal," Wesker stated and opened a drawer in his desk to pull out posters with Santa Claus' face on them and the words 'WANTED, DEAD OR ALIVE' printed in red ink under the anonymous old man's face, passing them to the rest of his team and giving them a strict look. "He does break into people's houses every year. Be cautious if you happened to encounter him, he's probably dangerous if he can go down chimneys and sneak around soundlessly. And I heard that he works with an extremely violent organisation of small midgets, so don't let your guards down."

Chris leaned close enough to Barry's side and whispered. "Dude, you shouldn't dress as Santa this year."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Finally, the day every body was waiting for.

December 25.

"Yay!" Rebecca jumped up and down and clapped her hands as she watched Wesker opening the metal closet and all the gifts the fell out from it. Wesker stepped back in fear one of the colorful boxes might get up and bite him. They gathered around their awesomely decorated Christmas tree and started to sort what presents they bought and what presents they received.

"I wonder what Jill brought me," Forest grinned wolfishly, wiggling his eyebrows at the brunette woman who didn't even bother with a reply.

"Anything but condoms, that's for sure," Joseph chuckled and ducked just in time when a flying stapler launched by Forest came his way.

A loud shriek caused everyone to look at Brad just as he was falling down, fainting. A plastic snake poking out from the box he was holding. They shook their heads and ignored him.

Rebecca was the next to startle them with a shriek but this time, it was an overjoyed one. Chris grinned from ear to ear as the young girl glomped him and jumped excitedly, forcing him to jump with her. "I love you!"

Joseph looked at the small sticker on the back of the empty box then screamed like his puppy was murdered before his eyes. "You gave me a lousy bandana while she gets Sony Play Station 2!!!" he exclaimed at Chris madly. Nonchalantly, Chris shrugged at the angry man. "She got me a guitar for last Christmas, so it only makes fair this way."

Ignoring the fuming with jealousy dude, Chris digged up his own presents and picked them up before sprinting to Wesker's office to sit down beside his legs and grin up at him. "Open it," he held up a large box decorated with Garfields wrapping and a jingling bell on top of it before the other man.

He knew Chris would get him a present; the young man wouldn't listen to him when he told him he didn't need to buy him one to prove that he cared. However, the main reason standing behind Wesker's frown was that he had received a few more than one present, three without counting Chris'. It was a shock to the rest of the office; really, no one was expecting the stoic captain to be receiving anything at all. The first one was from Irons' secretary, and the other from Kevin Ryman, obviously a bribe to enroll him in the STARS crew. At the last present, Barry informed him that it was from his baby daughter, Tina. The girl had instantly fallen in love with the captain of her father when Barry brought her once to see his working place.

His eyes grew wide and his cheeks burned when he opened the box just a little, and this time it wasn't from his usual activities with Chris. "What is it? She didn't let me see, you know," Barry asked with a chuckle, slightly leaning down to see what ever his little angel hap wrapped in that small present.

Probably for the sake of your poor heart, old man, he thought. The blond finally managed to overcome his shock and closed the lid on the box before the ignoramus father could get a chance to know what his supposed to be an innocent child had in mind; he just figured any parent would not be thrilled to know their child were giving their panties as a Christmas gift.

"Gummy bears," he grumbled to cover his shock, wincing slightly when he heard the bunch of regular happy sighs around him, small giggles, cheerful 'Aww's and the 'That's so cute!' and 'Such a sweet little girl' lines. Barry chuckled and returned back toy his desk.

Slightly embarrassed yet feeling proud to have this amazing power over little young females, Wesker started to unwrap Chris' present. What he didn't know was that Chris' gift was based on the theory that a gift should be consisting of something to eat, something to drink and something to read. So to say he was startled to see a bottle of red wine, a box of Truffles and a joke book titled 'How To Act Less Like A Tyrant, More Like Human' in one box would be explainable. Wesker couldn't help but smile at his lover and gave him a sweet kiss on the lips.

Chris smiled back. "I'm glad you liked it. Now, I want mine," he held his hand open and waited. Wesker rolled his eyes but reached anyway to unlock one drawer on his desk and took out a small box that was the size of his hand and weighed nothing and placed it in Chris' lap.

The young brunette gave him a is-this-a-joke look but shrugged it and tore the neat wrapping carelessly. He opened the box and gasped at what he saw.

"Here, let me help you." Chris watched as Wesker took the silver metal out, placing it over his slightly trembling wrist and closing the clasp for him. The young man turned his wrist slowly, admiring the way its light color differing perfectly from the tan of his skin. "Oh god " Chris looked dreamy at the bracelet then back at his captain and swallowed thickly. "Wesker, it's beautiful..."

Wesker caressed the outside of his hand and shook his head. "You are beautiful, my Christmas," he smiled and kissed Chris on the lips. The younger man laughed light heartedly. "You mean Chris," he corrected between kisses. "No, you are my Christmas, love," Wesker took Chris' lower lip between his and bit down playfully. The young man moaned and reached up to cradle his head in his hands, interlacing his fingers in the softly stiff strands of gold and deepening the kiss. Without breaking their intense liplock, Wesker roamed his hands over Chris' form until he reached his bottom and lifted him up to sit on his lap.

Holding great will back from going up to the sickingly-in love couple and tearing the captain's head from her precious Chris away, Jill glared at the blond and snorted in disdain. "Why didn't you put it in the closet like all of us did?"

"Simple. I didn't want Rebecca to take it."

"Hey!" Rebecca protested. "I may be a thief, but I am not cute!" As every body was giving her blank stares, she realized her mistake and blushed deeply. "Uhm, that didn't come out right " the young girl laughed nervously then quickly disappeared.

*Hmm? What's this?* Joseph wondered when he saw a piece of paper falling down from Wesker's desk and picked it up carefully. After a quick scan, he gasped. *Oh my GOD!!!* "Whose bill is this?!!" The man asked franticly, shaking the piece of paper in the air.

Wesker retrieved his tongue back from Chris mouth and cursed when he recognized the bill from the jewelry store he purchased the bangle from. "Shit, I must've forgotten to get rid of it," he mumbled quitly to himself.

Jill took the bill from Joseph's hands and read it. "Holy fuck, that's pure platinum!!?" She exclaimed before her world started to darken. Forest took the bill from her limp hand and read it too.

"Holy fuck, you paid 49,999 dollars for that?!!" The man nearly fainted by this new information before he dropped to the floor and hugged his captain's legs, sobbing loudly. "Please Wesker, make me yours!"

He screamed in agony when Chris batted his head with a baseball bat. "He's mine, bitch."

Forest whimpered and crawled away from the rich bastard and his possessive lover. Chris smirked and got down on the floor again to continue ripping and tearing at the rest of his gifts' wrappings.

In another corner of the same office, Barry opened his last gift then closed it and sighed deeply. Nothing personal, you just lose you excitement after tie 13.

Jill tucked her presents under her desk and only opened the gift Chris had given her, the rest not holding that much of great meaning to here. Her interest dropped zero when she found out it was a hairbrush.

"Did you like it?" Chris asked her with an obnoxious expression on his face. The brunette woman pushed down the rage building up in her and forced her lips to curve into a gentle smile instead of a nasty sneer. "Yes, it's... marvelous!"

Chris was the happiest amongst them all; he had gifts probably from the whole department. He noticed one was addressed to him from an anonymous and Chris decided to finish with it since it was only one. The box was two feet high and heavy. He happily tore the wrapping like a small child and opened the box and...

Screamed.

"Whose sick-fuck idea is this!?" he shouted angrily towards his laughing comrades, kicking the box that had a set of pink whip, pink gag, and pink furred handcuffs away like they were grenades and were about to explode at any moment.

"Chill, Chris, it's just a joke," Forest said laughing.

"Chill?! I'll teach you how to 'chill'," Chris growled and was about to make the older man his own human punching bag when he saw Wesker walk past him and pick up the box he threw away. "Thank you, Forest. I will make sure Chris uses these wisely."

Without a further word said, the rest of the STARS members continued to open their gifts silently.

When the joyful evening came to an end and the small party was over, everyone grabbed their stuff and gifts and left for their homes, wishing each others a delightfully good night while Wesker was stuck doing a two weeks postponed report. Chris had offered to stay with up him, but the captain didn't want to keep his young marksman waiting for him to finish a job that probably would take more than three hours to get done. After all; it was his fault that he threw the file mindlessly behind his back and pinned the brunette to the floor.

*Damn you Irons,* Wesker groaned with distaste at the abandoned paper work he had to do. *I should have assassinated you when I had the chance to slip that frog into your drink, but noooo, I would never listen to my lowest ego!*

A light tap on the door brought Wesker from his land of evil schemes to look up at his visitor. He rolled his eyes when he saw it was none other than his arch nemesis, Marini, drinking coffee from his 'Vote for Marini' mug and smiling at him.

"I see you're still up, Captain Wesker."

Wesker silently cursed his enemy. "Yes, I have a report that Irons required to be delivered tomorrow. Now if you will excuse me, I have work to do," Wesker rudely snorted and went back to his papers.

"I can do that for you,"

His mind paused scanning the file he was holding and waited to hear the rest of Marini's joke, but that never happened. He looked once again at the Bravo captain and frowned when he didn't see any signs on his face.

"I mean, if that's ok with you," Bravo's captain added when he saw the way Wesker was looking at him.

After what felt like an eternity, the Alpha captain cocked one eyebrow and crossed his arms on his chest. "Ok, Marini, what shit are you planning for me?"

"What?!" Marini gasped and put a hand on his heart. He was shocked by his comrade's question and the fact that he thought he could do something like that. "Wesker, you believe I'm that low? It's Christmas, for god's sake, I don't plan on doing anything devious in this time of the year."

"Come on, man, I want to do something good this year."

"You sure you it?"

"Positive. Go home, Wesker; celebrate with your family, or whoever you haven't murdered yet."

Wesker didn't know how to react. Marini and him were never on the same side; when one says white, the other will say black. One will go right and the other will take left. They simply were 180'' opposite from each other. But the thought of going home and slipping into his warm bed to snuggle and cuddle with his Chris was so tempting that he could not refuse. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it, man. Have a merry Christmas."

Wesker nodded his head and put his coat on, determined to break the law and drive as fast as his car can go and cross all the red lights to get quickly to his lover and spend the rest of the night shagging together.

Unfortunately for our beloved sexy captain, he didn't see Marini's evil smile on his way out.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Next morning came to Wesker with a pounding headache due to all that great amount of liquor he had he had the night before. All chaos about the Christmas party was forgotten like it was a figment of a sweet fantastic imaginary and the STARS office was back to look its old professional, gloomy way. They had won the 'Best Decoration of the Year' trophy anyway, so Captain Wesker saw in his perceptive mind no need to keep the ridiculous distractions sprawled around 'n about.

"Joseph, I want that report, and I want it now!"

"Please captain, just gimme five minutes,"

"I've already given you five minutes five minutes ago!"

Wesker sighed in annoyance and rubbed his temple. Worthless. He groaned silently and watched the bandana wearing man fret around his desk, searching for the report he was supposed to hand him an hour ago. "Hand it to me now, or you're fired, Frost."

Joseph nearly sobbed at the dangerously calm tune Wesker had used to address him; it was the same tune he used before bashing a criminal's face.

*Where the hell did it go?!!* He continued to wail in silence.

His eyes caught Chris moving past him and quickly grabbed the younger man by the legs and forced him to look down questioningly. "Chris, do something!" Joseph hissed. Chris blinked stupidly at him then sighed and rolled his eyes. "You're gonna owe me later,"

Joseph nodded his head and whispered back, "Deal! Just distract him for a while, please!"

Mentally whipping himself for being a good guy who will do anything for his friends, Chris walked up to the captain's desk and rested his hands on its surface. "Hey there, captain," he began in a low husky tune and smiled in triumph when the blond's attention was devoted to him in speed of light. "I just wanted to say thank you for the amazing gift," he flexed his wrist to show his point. "I appreciate it. And what you did to me last night..." Chris left the rest of hir sentence unfinished as he bit his lower lips playfully and looked away for a moment, faking shyness.

Wesker's mouth was slightly slacking open at this. The brunette smirked and leant down closer to the stunned man. "I want to repay you the favor," he whispered.

Finally regaining his great senses of composure and demureness, Wesker crossed his arms on his desk and brought himself closer to the younger man's face, a devious smile forming on his lips. "Oh, really?" He affectionately caressed Chris' cheek. The young man purred in delight and nuzzled the inside of his palm, kissing it gently. "Yeah,"

"Perhaps you can share with me a small brief of what you have in mind?"

"Hmmm..." Chris began to play with the pen in Wesker's breast pocket, pulling it slowly out of his pocket then pushing the pen back again, making sure the movements will rub against his hidden nipple. The blond shuddered at the sensual hint and moved his hand to grasp Chris' wrist and pulled him down close to share a passionate kiss, only to kiss a tasteless, cold folder.

"Here ya go, Capin!" Joseph cheered, holding the file in Wesker's face. The blond captain growled lightly and glared daggers at Joseph as he chose the bad moment to intrude. He grabbed the folder and shooed the man with his free hand and turned his attention back to his beloved marksman only to find said man stepping back and grinning mischievously at him.

"Later," Chris winked and went back to his desk, leaving the blond to gaze with hunger at his delicious ass.

Just when Wesker was about to get up and drag Chris into the closest desolated place, not that he cared about privacy anyway but he didn't want to ruin what's left of his subordinates' sanity, the door opened and in stepped...

Chief Irons?

No one was expecting the Chief of Raccoon City Police Department might one day come to their office because if they knew they would've pretended to be working at least. If the man needed anything from the STARS member, his multiple secretaries will do the honor of informing them, so it was a shock. They all felt unease and wary about this special visit, especially Wesker, who had a bad feeling about the way Irons stood in the doorway and gazed at him like a hawk. Wesker gave the man a suspicious look. "Yes chief?" He asked when the man remained in his place, staring at him.

Chief Irons continued to rape Wesker with his eyes -if the blond weren't used to these types of looks he would've shitted himself- until he sighed and shook his head.

"Oh captain Wesker, why didn't you tell me before?"

Every one stopped what ever the hell they were doing and watched as the chief addressed their captain in a weird way. Wesker was growing wary; he did not like the tone nor the expression Irons was giving him. "... Tell you what?"

Irons smirked at him, "What, are you going to play dump now?"

"I... really don't know what you are talking about, chief..."

The chief ignored him, brought an envelope from his pants' pocket, and handed it to the confused captain. Wesker blinked at the envelope and looked inside. He found a pink, soaked with perfume letter. Wesker looked back up at Irons who just nodded his head with a creepy smile for him to open it and read it.

~~My dearly beloved Irons;

I can't seem to get you out of my mind. Your flashes keep breaking into my thoughts. I can't think about anything, except what it feels like to be touching you. I can't explain the way you make me feel good. I can feel these my deepest desires for you. You are all I want.

I'm on fire. I want you so bad. I can't stand being away from you.

I want you to make me yours, chief. I want to feel your touch. I want to feel your lips. I want you to make me weak with need. I want you to make me scream your name. I want to feel alive with you.

Oh, my beloved Irons; how I long to have you between my thighs, to suck your cock, to screw me senseless till I scream your name, to behold your cum inside of me when you join me in that heavenly sweet moment.

Tie me ,fuck me, and toy with my nipples; for you I am a slave to please. Give me your dick, and I'll give you my ass. Tell me what you want me to do and I'll be your slut tonight and tomorrow. My only wish is to make you happy and to please you.

Forever yours, Wesker~~

As if all that weren't enough to cause the poor blond captain lose his mind, Joseph jumped and snatched the letter from his hand and read it out loud. Oh and there was a picture attached to the letter with a paper clip. He tore his sunglasses off and his eyes went wide.

Time and space froze in one blink, the members of STARS holding their breathings as they watched their captain stare with wide unblinking eyes at the picture.

It was a shameful picture of Alpha team's Captain, Albert Wesker, posing nude and naughty with one arm behind his head and the other between his legs, doing only god and the photographer who took that picture knows what because of the mosaic that covered the sex area. Now the problem wasn't in the erotic pose nor was the stoic features Wesker had on his face in the photo, it was the body that was supposed to be Wesker's. Right at the base of his neck, the pale color of his skin ends and starts with a dark brown skin toning the rest of his naked body. But it only appeared fake to the ashamed captain as no body saw that flaw, especially Chris.

Wesker couldn't breathe when he looked up from the letter and picture and saw the look on Chris' face; he forgot how to do that and knew his face must be pale from the lack of blood and oxygen -he was sure of that when he started to feel numbness in his head. His attention diverted from his lover to his boss who distracted him from the shock when his hands rested on his chest unexpectedly and played with the buttons on his shirt. Wesker jumped back from the man and stood behind his desk, shaking his head desperately.

"Wait! Chief, I-I didn't do this! I swear!" Wesker started to panic as the man took steps towards him. "Th-there must be a mistake, I'm sure there is a mistake-" A grinning figure standing in the doorway was caught in Wesker's rang of eyesight and his mind snapped at him as he realized what just happened to him. "Captain Marini!" Wesker attempted to growl but the declare came in a whine tone as Irons turned around his desk and was standing in front of him. "Chi-chief, it's captain M-m-m-marini!" He backed as far as he could get away from the sex-crazed man and tripped over his chair. "Marini w-w-w-was here l-l-l-last night and -GYAAAHHHAAA!" Wesker howled when Irons groped his rear.

"Oh, you don't need to flip about it, Wesky," the chief waved his pitiful protests with a chuckle and winked, forcing the blond man to fight a serious case of illness. "I'm holding you to your words tonight," he finally said then turned to leave the S.T.A.R.S. office, swaying his bear-size butt on his way out in only what he thought was seduction while in real it gave Barry a massive heart attack, Jill a wave of nausea and Rebecca a few white hairs. Brad had fainted the second chief Irons stepped his foot in their office.

Chris stepped up to him, tears shimmering and lips trembling. Before the wronged man could open his mouth to explain, Chris slapped him across the face with force that caused his head to twirl to the side and leave a red imprint of brunette' palm. "How could you?!"

A sinker was heard from Joseph's side. "Who knew captain Wesker was a man of literature."

Forest chuckled darkly, "I can see whose gonna share the New Year's kiss with the captain."

Wesker paled when he heard their words and saw the fists Chris was trying not to throw at his face. Instead, the young man tore the bracelet Wesker gave him from his wrist and throw it in his face, crying angryly. "We're over!"

Rebecca practically jumped on Chris and clung to him. "I call dibs on free Chrissy!" she exclaimed happily. Jill glared at her and hauled the frightened man from her arms. "No you don't, he's too young for you. Have Barry instead."

Barry picked up the young medic and walked to the nearest closet. "I promise I won't tell my wife,"

"Eww!" Rebecca pushed the old man away from her and hid under Brad's desk.

Jill turned to Chris and hugged him. "I know you must be hurt and deeply wounded," she started, caressing the brunette's back soothingly lightly, "To be betrayed by the man you thought loved you. How about I take you out to a bar and get you a few drinks?" *And hopefully get you drunk and in bed with the right person,* she added mentally before giving Wesker a malicious grin, *ME!*

The wheels in his head worked like a fine Mercadie. "Wha- Chris, no, don't go! It's a set up!" Wesker called out, fighting the urge to jump over and grab Chris by his legs when he saw that evil glint in Jill's eyes that resembled Satan's. Either she was driven by her undying crush towards Chris, or she was doing this purely to avenge her inappropriately-used desk Wesker kept raping Chris on. He didn't care, he just needed to get his lover from the clutches of the mad woman.

At first Chris was hesitant by Jill's offer -not to mention scared like a lost kitten- but when his EX-lover, Wesker, dared to bark an order at him he felt anger boiling within his broken heart and marched out, completely ignoring the man. He was deeply wounded. *How dare that asshole even think he can control my life?!* He thought bitterly to himself. *Irons! Of all people, he chose Irons!* The poor man's mind kept repeating. He was considered the most handsome man in the police department and yet, Wesker chose Irons over him?!!

As he watched his deluded lover walk out with the devil herself who stuck her tongue at him, Wesker sighed and plopped on his chair. He had alot of stuff on his mind to do now. First things first, he have to convince the chief he was not the one who wrote him the love letter. Second, he needs to get to Chris before Jill could do god knows what to him. Third, Marini will pay severely for this one.

Wesker prayed people would soon forget about this cruel prank but had very little faith in that wish, seeing as how much Irons has showed interests in his body.

OWARI

And thus the way RE0 happened. Lol kiddin', just think of it as the perfect revenge, Wesker Style.

Dear god, what a horrible way to end the year, eh?

Can Wesker get his proper respected name back? Was Forest about to come up with a solution for global-warming while hitchhiking on the road to Arkely when he ended up getting socked in the nose instead and lost memory (wtf??)? Did Rebecca steal that expensive bracelet when no one was looking? What will happen to Marini? Would Barry step in for help and make them all happy sandwichs? Will Jill ever get Chris in bed and get laid?!!

All your questions and more, might never get answered if you don't review XD

By the way, TMI is for: Too Much Information

OMG look what have I done, I broke Chrissy's heart!!! Poor thing... But on the bright side, you can all look up to that the buttrape Irons gonna preform upon Wesker for the sake of all marshmallows in the world :3 (did I mention that I'm related to Wesker and take joy in torturing and back-stabbing people? No??? Then, fear me, for I am to become a GOD!) MUAHAHAHA!!

This was inspired by the upcoming season (;^_^) and the fact that Capcom took RECV Chris away, shoved him in the dark metal box, and replaced him with this dough... I've developed feeling for that cute guy. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this fic. I spent 3 days trying to upload this, but something is wrong with the system and I couldn't get this properly written.

So tell me: Loved it? Hated it? Lots and lots of spelling and grammar? Please leave a review to let me know. ^__^

May you all have a merry Christmas! I know it's early, but do share what will happen to you on christmas eve. 


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